Psycho Therapy – Citroen Rally Kit

Have one standard Citroen DS3 150, add extra oem parts, create utter turbo-nutter Frankenstein. click here

AN ALMOST UOPM?RKSOM FLICK IS all it takes, like wafting away a mildly offensive smell. The merest forward remember to brush with the fingernails of the right hand and the gearbox snaps down a gear, then another, mechanical teeth launching into one another with a savagery that belies the subtlety of the first action.

The engine howls through what sounds like a straight-through exhaust, frothing what little vortices of dust remain undisturbed by the passing of semi-slick tarmac race tyres. The brake pedal is a solid block, with the travel, modulation and feel of the average front doorstep – it takes a truly mighty stomp for any result – but when it comes, it has the result of hitting the actual house. There’s a soft and totally involuntary “oof”. 

Five-point harnesses tighten just enough to remind you will be certainly a crotch strap, then it’s time for a pointy, violent turn of the Alcantara wheel and a long, pint-pulling yank of the yellow- topped personnel of a hydraulic handbrake. The car is instantly facing the other way. There is no bend, or slack, or doubt. It just… obeys.

One more little appreciative huff at the sheer, sinewy rigidity of it all, and then, when the accelerator is forced inelegantly to the bare-metal footwell with a clack, there’s the briefest eternity of wonderful aural respite before the engine shrieks, and the front differential fires the car away, reaming the tarmac clean in search of grip. The noises is industrial, the oscillation ridiculous, the ability elegant, thoroughly brutal.

Welcome to the rally-car experience. And this is the real package. Actual serious rally car. I guarantee that if you like cars, you needed love it. It’s also an experience exclusively set aside for professional rally motorists, or the professionally rich. We mortals will never get to drive a car like this rally-prepped Citroen DS3 R3, because it’s all bogglingly expensive, high-end rally tech gowns about as far removed from buyable road- car reality as it’s possible to be. Right?

Not nearly. Because you can order one from your local Citroen dealer. Today. Right now.

This is a not possibly believable, but totally accurate fact. Pop into your local Citroen dealer, and you will buy, off the metaphorical shelf, a DS3 with a 210bhp, 2581b toes racing engine. You can also buy, from Citroen and specifically engineered for the DS3, a 6 speed sequential push-me-pull-you paddle-operated gears, a multi-point FIA-approved rollcage, fully adjustable coil-over postponement, interruption, a steering rack so direct it feels like it lashes your arms to the steering biceps and triceps, polycarbonate side windows and a whole raft of other slightly obsessive go-faster goodies that’ll make your rally-fan eyes water.

A manufacturer-backed Frankenstein. An Primary Equipment monster. Fit everything, and what you wrap up with is simply a WRC car minus a slug of power and a driven axle. Which is somewhat of an amaze, if I’m honest. You can earn a standard DS3 – a beautiful if slightly lavish hatch – and butch up with official equipment to the point even the most aggressive of supercars will gently again away from it in a car park, muttering about ‘things to do’. The two litde heroes ‘R3’ have the same effect Sambuca has on middle-aged women. It changes something happy and normal into a slavering, rabid, unstoppable beast.